Another article by Dr. Andrew D. Atwood, LMFT, from HopefulSolutions

I’ve been advocating for a more holistic way of thinking about relationships for years, and this research, which was published on December 5, 2005, support my beliefs. There is plenty of other research from a variety of fields that also supports the fact that we are an integrated whole: how we behave affects our body, just as our body affects how we behave.

The study, published in the Archives of General Psychiatry, analyzed 42 couples who had been married for at least 12 years. The study was carried out at Ohio State University by Jan Kiecolt-Glaser, a professor of psychiatry and psychology, and her husband Ronald Glaser, a professor of immunology. The researchers found that marital fights can prolong the time it takes the body to heal itself after an injury.

One argument alone can slow the healing process by a day. And the study claims that when married couples feel consistently hostile towards one another, the delay in the healing process can be doubled.

In words written by Jenny Hope of the Daily Mail, here is how the study was done.

“The couples were asked to take part in a set of experiments which were designed to find out how quickly wounds heal in certain situations. Each pair made two 24-hour visits to the university, two months apart. During both visits, the husband and wife were each fitted with a small suction device that created eight tiny uniform blisters on their arms. The skin was then removed from each blister and another device placed directly over the top, forming a protective bubble. Researchers used this bubble to extract fluids that normally fill such blisters during the healing process. Its findings could have important implications for patients booked for surgery because they mean that marital disharmony could put back their recovery time”

“On the first visit, the husbands and wives completed questionnaires about stress levels. They were then encouraged to have a "supportive, positive discussion" with one another about things that they would like to change in their relationship. During the second visit, they were asked to talk about disagreements that they had with their partners, especially those which had an "inherently emotional element". The researchers took samples of fluid from the wounds during both visits. They found that the injuries took a day longer to heal after the argument than they did after the supportive discussion. And couples who showed high levels of hostility needed two days longer for their wounds to heal following a row. Wounds on the more argumentative couples healed only 60 per cent as quickly as those inflicted on couples considered to have low levels of hostility. A chemical called IL-6, which can cause immune system problems when found at high levels in the bloodstream, was one-and-a-half times higher in couples who were consistently angry with each other than in those who were less hostile.”

So why is this research so important?

First, if you have surgery you will likely heal better if the stress in your life is reduced! “Professor Kiecolt-Glaser said that their findings were important because they demonstrated that reducing post-surgery stress could lead to shorter hospital stays and to fewer patients suffering from infections after undergoing operations.”

Remember, there is lots of research that links higher stress levels with physical problems, especially heart problems.

Second, and even more importantly to me, is that a case can be made that one’s immune system is fundamentally weakened in an environment of chronic stress.

If you are chronically arguing with your partner, both of you are putting your health at risk.

In another article on my blog I have provided a model for appropriate arguing. I want to thank Dr. Brent Atkinson for this wonderful model, which makes a ton of sense, and which I have taught to a ton of couples in seminars… and in my office.

Third, if arguing and fighting wrecks havoc with your body, how about the innocent children that are in the home with you?

Fourth, this is – once again – a good reason why it is important to maintain a positive attitude! I am so convinced of the healthy benefits to you and your relationships of maintaining a positive attitude that I have create the “Positive Psychology Primer.” This 5 part eCourse is inexpensive and can be found in our Catalogue at HopefulSolutions.net.

Fifth, I believe arguments between two people in a marriage who are emotionally enmeshed with each other are far more destructive than arguments between two people who are more well-differentiated. This is a major thrust of my work…. Helping people to become more well-differentiated so that they don’t take all of life so personally. And, couples that are more well-differentiated simply don’t get into arguments as often, or as intensely.

Sixth, “We don’t hug porcupines!” And, it would be fair to say that we don’t make love with them either! We don’t seem to enjoy making love to someone who is argumentative. Lots of conflict is a turn-off in lots of ways.

Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage by Dr. Andrew D. Atwood  A downloadable eBook for $19.95 Get rid of the confusion!  Break the gridlock! Figure out what the REAL problem is! Use this frustrating dilemma to actually strengthen your relationship

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