Can We Justify Infidelity ?

This may be a somewhat primitive question to ask but it’s been asked again and again both by those who commit infidelity and those who are victims of it.

It's an interesting question as some scientists do question whether human beings are firstly meant to be monogamous. Biologically, males and females search for the best mate at the time of fertility. For a male that's to find a female ready to mate and for females it is when they are biologically ready and they find a suitable mate who is deemed strong and capable of protecting them and their offspring.

This is still the case in the animal kingdom but as humans we've evolved to a point we're no longer bound to biological imperatives and are more governed by our brains. Nevertheless, this doesn't mean we've got away from our primal urges.  It just means we keep them in check and society has evolved rules and regulations of what is acceptable culturally.

We can notice that among cultures itself there are differences in what they perceive as acceptable.  For a long time, it was acceptable for males to indulge in infidelity but for females they were punished severely.  In fact today, even in western societies, it is still frowned on for females to indulge in infidelity.  This is a natural reaction as female infidelity can often result in unfairness to children who are deprived of their rights of a normal family.

Take an interesting case of a woman who had sex with both the husband and the twin of the husband with 24 hours.  The result is a long battle of who will pay the child support as neither wish to do so as paternity tests are not able to determine which of them is the father.  As outsiders, we can only feel sorry for the child who has to face a situation that she has no part off and she definitely does not deserve.

In some cultures, like the Muslim world, they have tried to come to their solution of fairness to the children in forbidding all sex outside marriage.  But to prevent men from committing adultery, they have allowed men to be polygamous.  They view this as a solution for protection of children and also the first wife who would not need to be divorced and alone as often the case in the western world.

To most of us, we would view this as being terribly unfair to women but they have explained that it is a realistic answer to a situation where the biological functions of both men and women are not the same and will never be.  Women will always be mothers and in many ways, the prime caregiver to their children.

With the liberalization of women’s rights and the gradual acceptance of infidelity in women as in men, the immediate effects are increased divorces and breakdowns in marriages.  As I see it, children are the ones who have to pay the price.  Of course, men are punished in that they have to pay support and continue other responsibilities but at the end of the day, it is the children who are the victims.

In the final conclusion, infidelity which is basically a breach of contract will incur a price to be paid, whether it is by the other spouse or the person himself or herself.  But it is the children who almost always have a price to pay.

It is for this reason that society should not deemphasize the gravity of a commitment or marriage.  People should be reminded not to enter marriage without seriously considering their commitments.  The issue of infidelity on the other hand, should not be looked upon as standing alone but totally part and parcel of a whole package.

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