There’s no sex and there’s no time!
Another article by Dr. Andrew D. Atwood, LMFT, 

Too many of us are too busy doing too much to make sex much of a priority at all. What are we supposed to do when there is no time for sex?

If you can identify with this challenge, you are not alone. Millions of people have gotten so caught up with the pace of change and work, especially in the West, that they just don’t have enough time for being together sexually.

I’ve been intrigued by a solution that some Japanese have come up with. It is an upscale version of what has been going on in many places for many years. There are hotels that have been set up just to cater to couples that want an anonymous few hours together in an environment that fosters eroticism. There are no clerks to face, only machines that take your credit card and direct you to your room. And, you get to pick the room from a list that is organized around themes! A busy couple can go online and make a reservation at the South Pacific room for a few hours on a Tuesday night. Get a sitter for the kids and off you go!

Couples are too busy working, too busy carting the kids around to all their activities, too busy commuting to work… and it is all exhausting. When it is time to go to bed, sleep is the only thing on anyone’s mind.

Like a virus that spreads from person to person, the no-sex-no-time problem is spreading from continent to continent.

Of course, the problem spells out the solution.

You must make time for being together in a way that allows you to create intimate erotic sex. A very conscious choice must be made to structure time and place so that the two of you can have the opportunity to be together.

You have to break out of convention to make the change. The conventional world works on you both at an unconscious level, pushing and pulling you into a lifestyle that has been designed by “them”. Social convention just creeps in over time and becomes normative; living a busy life simply becomes normal. Unconventional people don’t live by the social norms; there are always people who get out of the box and live in ways that are self-designed.

My wife and I have intentionally created a lifestyle that works wonderfully well for us. I recognize that we are incredibly fortunate, and incredibly blessed. Our hard work, smart decisions, and good luck have allowed us to have a cabin in the woods 75 minutes from home. We go there most weekends where we are completely alone. We work with people all week long, and we work long hours. On Friday night we escape. Many of our friends have had to adjust to our lack of availability on the weekends. The pull to stay home and get together with others for a few hours on a Saturday night is often present. Sometimes we chose to stay home; most of the time we choose to go away.

Get out of the box and create the life you want.

Sex doesn’t have to happen in bed, at night. It can happen in the car in the garage. It can happen in a motel or a hotel. It can happen in nature. Sex in the office can be incredibly risky, and incredibly exciting. Sex in the morning? Afternoon delight?

“Quickies” have there place.

I am working with a couple that has the opposite problem. She wants sex every day, and she gets it. It is driving her husband nuts because she gets frustrated and angry if she doesn’t get it. If she has been drinking, she gets violent. They have sex, one way or another, ever single day! Yes, this is a problem of a different sort, but it proves the point. Some sex can happen every day.

The two of you must create time and space for sex. There is not way around it. I can’t create the time and space for you, can I? Who can? Only the two of you. So take control of your life and figure out a way to “get out of the box of social convention.”

Make making-out more of a priority!

This article is provided by Dr. Andrew D. Atwood, LMFT, LCSW, content expert at www.HopefulSolutions.net. Always use your common sense when seeking advice for your sexless marriage. Where appropriate, always consult your physician.

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