Why can’t she have an orgasm during intercourse?

StopYourDivorceCoach.com

Tips to Stop Divorce / Tips to Save Marriage

Why can’t she have an orgasm during intercourse?

From Dr. Andrew D. Atwood, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

This is a terrific question… absolutely terrific.

This question gets right at the heart of the matter; only 40% of women report having orgasms during intercourse. Obviously, something is amiss.

The biological truth is that a woman’s orgasm is centered in her clitoris, and her clitoris is centered about 2 to 3 cm above her vagina… and so, it is far from where his penis enters. It has been suggested that intercourse (penis in the vagina) is primarily for procreation of the species, while the entire Vulva is for pleasure because all of the Vulva’s constituent parts are connected to the clitoris. So, the first critical issue is one of geography; the penis does not typically create enough clitoral stimulation to bring a woman to orgasm.
One must consider one’s arousal threshold, as well as orgasmic threshold, when addressing the question of orgasm during intercourse. If her arousal threshold is high, then it will take some effort to arouse her. If her orgasmic threshold is high, it will take some more effort to bring her to orgasm. It is fair to assume that women take longer to be aroused, which means that men have the time to enjoy the act of arousing. That is the way men have to think about it – “I get to take my time and enjoy this!”
Given that 75% of the men come after 2 minutes of penetration, is it any wonder that women are frustrated and turned off to sex? But, if a guy will go 21 minutes or longer, 92% of the women can be aroused to the point of orgasm.
Men generally don’t do a good job of stimulating a woman’s clitoris. It is that simple. They think that intercourse will do it, when it won’t. They think that 2 to 15 minutes is enough time and effort, and it isn’t. They think that women become aroused in the same way, and at the same rate as men, and they don’t.
She isn’t having an orgasm because what he is doing to bring her to orgasm isn’t working well. This isn’t to say that some women have very real problems (in one area or another) that literally prevents them from experiencing orgasmic pleasure… but, more often than not the main issue is that both have been fooled into thinking that orgasm through intercourse should happen… and if it doesn’t it is because something is wrong with her. After all, he got it off, didn’t he! Why shouldn’t she? Wrong assumption.

The good news is that with good communication she can tell him how to pleasure her, and if he works on his technique for 21 minutes or longer, the probability is that she will have an orgasm.

His technique should involve tongue, fingers, and hands more than the penis. Got that! Make sure he comes second, so that she knows she is in first place.

Dr. Atwood

Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage is the BIG, 137 page eBook written by Dr. Atwood. The companion volume is You Can Save Your Marriage. You can find both, and more, at www.HopefulSolutions.net. Dr. Andrew D. Atwood, LMFT. 534 Fountain St. NE, Grand Rapids, MI 49503 - Voice 616.456.1178 - Email DrAtwood@HopefulSolutions.net. ©2002-2004 Save Your Marriage, PLC. All rights reserved.

Disclaimer: The material presented on these pages if for your information only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. It may not represent your true individual medical situation. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting a qualified health care provider in person. Please consult your health care provider in person if you have any questions or concerns. Always use common sense and research your own personal situation thoroughly.