Solo Sex has its place!

Women, way more than men, are troubled by the fact that their guy is engaged in “solo sex” through masturbation, internet porn, phone sex, printed porn, or seductive chat rooms, or the like.

There seems to be some difference here between the sexes. Men tend to get excited when their partner is stimulated by looking at another male. Women tend to react negatively when their guy is looking at other women. These are “tendencies” by not consistencies. For some couples, the line is loose, while for others it is rock solid.

If this stuff is used to get people excited, that seems to be okay. If it is used as a substitute to arousal, that is not okay.

Some of this solo sex is done in strict solitude, and other kinds are done with others, like with chat rooms, but always without touch. The distance and anonymity allow for “safe” excitement.
But the safety issue that I’m concerned with is the safety of your relationship! Often real sex with a real partner in real time cannot match the unreal fantasies stimulated by solo sex.
It is about intimacy. How do you keep sex exciting with a long-term partner? Some naturally turn to the outside stimulation that solo sex can give and then use that elevated excitement to enhance their relationship with their long-term partner.

Some work at developing deeper and deeper levels of intimacy where profound understanding and acceptance permeate a relationship… and they find that deeply erotic.

Some do both. Erotica, in whatever form, will always be around. Couples need to find something that brings them closer together rather than something that estranges them.
So what are the rules that you two will follow?

Here are my qualifiers: If solo sex increases intimacy between the two of you, go for it. But be aware of its potential dangers. It should never be a substitute for the real thing.

But, of course, the decision is for the two of you to make.

Dr. Atwood

Get rid of the confusion! Break the gridlock! Figure out what the REAL problem is! Use this frustrating dilemma to actually strengthen your relationship

Get rid of the confusion! Break the gridlock!
Figure out what the REAL problem is!
Use this frustrating dilemma to actually strengthen your relationship