Solution & Secrets to keep a Marriage

An 83-year-old grandmother’s solution & secret to keeping a happy marriage

I met this old grandmother who is indeed an image of happiness and self-confidence.  She has so much serenity yet a fierce drive inside her and watching her with her husband of 85,  I couldn't help feeling envious. I just had to find out from her the secret and solutions to her marriage.

“After being married for 58 years, I have come to the conclusion that keeping a marriage is not difficult but the most important steps to take towards avoiding a divorce must be taken before marriage itself.

Firstly, marriage must not be taken lightly. So many marriages are made out of pressure or convenience or sometimes just for show. It is not something that you just have to get into when the time comes because society expects it of you. It is a serious commitment that requires serious thoughts.

Any doubts or problems should be solved before marriage.  Don’t just brush them off as “cold feet”.  Our feelings often reflect some hidden worry. Anything that makes you feel uneasy will not go away after marriage. It will most definitely cause stress and strain and may eventually destroy it.

Take time to foresee any future problem and discuss it with your partner before the final step.  If the partner is unwilling to talk about it, then you can certainly expect to face communication problems later on.  Communication is key to solving much of the friction in everyday living and without good communication, marriage will not be on firm ground.

Another important point is that people don’t simply “change” when married. In the bliss if romance, it is too easy to have wishful thoughts that your partner will improve as they settle down.  But more often than not, you will be in for trouble and disappointment.  People need to solve their problems first before having any kind of relationship with anyone else

In my experience, I found that to avoid conflict, partners should have a basic set of unwritten rules. This may sound very clinical and non romantic but I have found that they can avoid a lot of disappointments and misunderstandings. Many things not said are often misunderstood.  I thought of many things I assumed in the early part of my marriage and they caused me a lot of heartache until I finally thrashed them out with my husband years later.  He had no idea what I was hiding in my head.

In marriage itself, much as trust is important, don’t tempt fate.  It is easy to say that your love is powerful enough to resist all temptations but in reality marriages have been broken mainly due to infidelity.  One step leads to another and more often than not, there’s no reversal.  To the party who has been wronged, infidelity is something that may hurt forever.   It won’t just go away even if it is never mentioned. 

Marriage is basically the bringing together of two different individuals, so for it to survive, it should be ‘compromise and compromise’.  Partners can view things differently and disagree.  Accept this fact and don’t take it personally.  Agree to disagree but be willing to be fair and to compromise.  Marriage cannot be one-sided.  Compromises should not be just from one party.

Sex can bring much joy and happiness in a marriage but problems with sex have also damaged many marriages.  In this aspect, communication is most vital.  Partners should be open to each other and outside help obtained where necessary regardless of whether it is a physical or psychological problem. 

Problems with children and their upbringing is another source of disagreement.  Like the other aspects of marriage, it is communication and compromise again.  Don’t let children be the source of your fights just as you shouldn’t let your fights affect the children.  Don’t compete with each other when it comes to children.  Be united as parents.

A real marriage will not be perfect but following these basic guidelines will give your marriage a chance to grow stronger each day and there’s nothing like having a happy marriage.  It is definitely worth it. “

Anne Hancock     July 20, 2007
Solution & Secrets to keep a Marriage

Solution & Secrets to keep a Marriage

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