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Points for Understanding Men and Husbands to improve Marriage

It is generally thought that men benefit greatly from being married, and men who lose their wives are more likely to face great stress and trauma.   Men are often seen as not appreciative of their wives and therein lies a lot of disastisfaction in marriage as wives feel their efforts are not taken notice off. In reality, the problem is not so much that men are not appreciative but rather that they do not communicate well. Women on the other hand are masters in communication and not just into words but looks and even small gestures – there’s always the meaning behind the meaning that they can see but men can't.  Men basically are at a loss and often  wonder why things are so complicated.

For many a man, the greatest fear that many men fear is the one occasion when everything is going on fine in bed or after a nice dinner, when suddenly, out of nowhere, she looked at him and says, "Let's talk about us."

Unlike relationships which are usually complex, guys are pretty basic. A man tends to think in straight and concrete terms. Instead of wondering about his marriage relationship, he'll picture the woman often visually that he comes home to, the woman with whom he has children and shares his bed. Call that a relationship if you want, but you'll just confuse your husband.

Here are some pointers to keep in mind when it comes to dealing with your husband.

1.     Don’t talk to your man directly about your relationship

A man does more talking and listening when he's unaware it's happening. Guys don't overwhelm their wife with deep inner feelings! so forget about all those analysis.

However, there's a way to get your man to share what's going on inside. It involves talking to him the same way his buddies do—while doing something else. Men watch a ball game, go to the rases or even fishing or hunting etc and they talk a lot while they're doing these things.

If you start doing more activities with your husband, you'll find he actually has a lot to say. And he'll listen a lot better, too.

2.     Don’t be upset when your man hesitates and pauses

If a man pauses before answering a question, that doesn't mean he's losing interest in the conversation. When a guy "shares" with his wife, he knows his every utterance carries a meaning even he doesn't realize. So he's extra careful about what he says. That explains the frequent pauses.

3.     If your husband likes to hang around the house, he's actually paying you a compliment.

Here's one way to tell if your husband thinks your marriage is going well. He won't work late unless he absolutely has to, and he won't overload his schedule with meetings and golf dates with his buddies. The reason? He'd rather be home with you.

It just means he wants to do something with you at home. I realize a steady diet of staying home eventually will drive you up the wall. But try to take it as a compliment.

4.     Hinting to husbands never work.

The words husband and hint don't belong in the same sentence. I maintain there's a perfectly good explanation for why guys are clueless. It's because wives like to hint around at what they mean; then they wonder why their husbands aren't responding.  No matter how much you would rather husbands take the initiative, sometimes you just have to do it yourself.

Too frequently, husbands misinterpret and act in ways that further aggravate the situation.  Wives on the other hand, think husbands are unhelpful when actually they are clueless as to what is expected

5.     Don’t take it personally when your husband is showing temper, irritation or even sarcasm with you.

Often it has nothing to do with you. Some things that really bug your husband are taxes, bills, his boss, and even the ever-present threat of growing old or bald. To many men, the most frequent low-level life stress may even be just automobile-related. Our cars break down with unnerving regularity.

Its important to understand that most of the time, its not related to you.  Its other problems bugging him So if your husband acts less than chummy and you wonder if it's something you said, think about what else has happened in his life.

6.     .Many men are not clothing conscious

Forget those immaculately attired guys. Chances are your husband suffers from a combination of fashion blindness and ensemble dyslexia. Sometimes we freeze up. They often just need a little help. This is where wives can help a lot.

7.     Men like to put disagreements behind them.

To men, there's only one proven method of making up after an argument, and that involves getting physically close. They don't carry grudges but wives are different. When men strongly disagree about something or say hurtful words, a wife can feel distant from the husband, and it takes more time than men realize to get close again. For men, they can get close within minutes of a fight, even their feelings were hurt.

To men the prescription for reconnecting after an argument is always sex. Perhaps, women should say,  "Why not?"   That may be a solution to saving many marriages.

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